Want to drive yourself completely mad? Help someone subscribe to the confusing insurance that supplements Medicare.
I don't mean supplements unless we're talking about Medicare Supplements which is different from Medicare Advantage plans, which may or may not be the official name of them, no, sorry, it is the name of some of them, which probably are Medigap plans that address the Medicare doughnut, which is not something you eat because if you're paying for it you don't have any money to buy food unless you never go to the doctor which you most likely would not be able to do because any doctor you've ever gone to or possibly heard of doesn't take whatever plan you're on, which is OK because you wouldn't be going for your annual physical anyway since Medicare doesn't pay for that, a nod, I would venture, to its illogic that prevention is not that profitable so why bother with that so having learned all of this through approximately three weeks on the phone during which time you contracted, suffered from, and recovered from at least the seasonal flu and perhaps swine, which you can't be vaccinated against due to the fact that you're not in a high risk group even though you got it, you call everyone else you know who had to sign up for insurance that lives in the neighborhood of Medicare whereupon you learn that, to a person, they impulsively signed up for something rather than jump out the window which would be unfortunate since your daily co-pays are so high that you'll lose your house if you even drive near the hospital, at which point you call your relative's primary care provider's office for the thirty-fourth time to discover that the doctor whom the insurance company just told you was covered by the plan is not covered by that plan ("it's a mistake on their site and we can't get them to fix it"), whereupon you scream ohmygodcanyoupleasejusttellmewhattosignhimupfor and the primary care's insurance expert, having run into this a time or two before, pulls the standard answer out of the pile, which is that there is only one plan that the office has a contract with and even though you've never heard of the plan and are slightly suspicious because when you look it up on their site you see that the monthly premium is $0 and think naturally it must be a total typo, leading to seven more hours on the phone wherein you make the insurance company representative swear in court that the premium is $0 (don't ask, Medicare just pays them a lump sum so they don't need to charge you, the consumer), which seems completely like a total lie and certainly has been designed to catch you out on your first claim, well, you're so exhausted by this point, not to mention your poor relative who's very good at abstract systems thinking and, shall we say, less inclined to tolerate this kind of thing, but who because he unlike you can read manuals actually reads the whole 3000-page document the government sends out, which means he knows a gap from a doughnut and you just say, ok, sign him up and if you never hear from me again it's because I have, as you can see, gone completely bonkers.
It's not covered.
