Endless Knots

The way to do it: "I waited to write"

A little over a year ago, I received an unexpected package in the mail from someone I barely knew. Amy Reece had heard about our situation and her impulse was to send a gift, a warm and snugly gift, a creamy blue pashmina which I wore today. Since then, there have been many gifts of kindness from people we know well, some whom we barely know, and some whom we hadn't heard from in years. One such came through last week, a letter from Alexandar Randall V, whom we first met in the 1970s and whom we haven't seen since the late 1990s. With his permission, I'm excerpting the letter, omitting all the truly personal material, including many observations Alex has about Jeff and about Jeff's and my life together. I'm posting the letter for a simple reason. It's an example of what helps after someone dies, in this case a little more than four months after my spouse has died.

Thank you, Alex. (NB: Alex is often credited with having conducted the first act of ecommerce through the Boston Computer Exchange, the very early bulletin board system that he started with his wife, Cameron--"Camie," see below--Hall, who died in 1998.)

Dear Jessica:

I waited to write. When my wife Camie died, it seemed that everyone had words of condolences and joined my grief for the few days immediately after her passing. Yet I was still mourning weeks later and by then I was all alone. So I waited to write when the throng has finished sharing your grief – so I could be here for you when you are more alone...

...I observed when Camie died that there was no one left who shared our mutual stories. There was no one with whom I could say “remember that day in Spain at the Sherry festival” and have her nod and remind me of the rhythm of the drummer in the dances. Or “Remember when we were still doing the business in the living room…” and have her remember the buy and sell cards.

Because we were together 24 hours a day at work and at home, our whole history was a shared history. My deepest loss as the loss of the mutual memory, the shared stories. There is no one else who shared it all and with her, I felt as if my memories had been removed. I lost my stories when I lost her. I can remember but there is no one with whom to share the memories. I assume you are experiencing just such a loss now....

Someone came to me after Camie died and said “She has given you a new life. You may not have asked for it but you have the gift of a new life.”

Jeff has given you a new life. You may not have asked for it, but you got it! You will have new adventures, new projects, new working partners and more. It may not have been your life plan, but it is now.

I send you deepest condolences on the loss of Jeff and I wish you all the best as you explore the new life upon which you have embarked.

If you need a vacation sometime, please make plans to come to our guest cottage and perhaps we can roll you into a special presentation at the University of the Virgin Islands.

May he rest in peace and may you thrive in your new endeavors. Godspeed!

Alexander Randall 5th
/sig/

"A Different Way to Die: How Jeff Stamps Stared Down the End"

And, as per the previous post, another event at Saybrook's conference this weekend. Tomorrow I'm presenting a workshop with the title of the post. Here's the poster:

Phone alone 2

I don't know who took this photo (thanks, Wired) but they must have been in my kitchen in the past week. Same phone. Same plastic container. Same rice. Same reason.

For the second time in my two decades of cellphone use, the terrible thing happened. Phone ends up in water. In this most recent case--and in a ridiculous fit of faux efficiency--I was using the phone as a wedge between the cover of my computer and its keyboard. I didn't want to take the time to shut down--or apparently the difficulty of placing the phone in my pocket.

Oh well. I was carrying too many things from room to room and watched as the phone slipped out from its well-chosen perch (ha!) and, in what seemed like slow motion and without even grazing the rim, into the glass of water in my other hand.

Others might have reached into the glass and removed the phone, then rushed to put it into rice, the very sophisticated method by which people, of which there are many googling reveals, dry out their phones. My advice to do the same came from an offspring whose phone suffered the same fate last year.

I, brilliantly, took a different path. After shaking the phone violently in the effort to get rid of any "loose" water, I then, stupidly, decided to plug my phone in  "to make sure it was still working." Dumb, dumber, and dumbest. I saw the phone, which was still on, go to off - and then I rushed to the kitchen to give it the deep rice treatment.

Well, two days went by and then I tried turning it on again. Having read up in the meantime, I was pretty pessimistic. (Plugging it in while wet, as I'd originally done, is the anti-treatment, sure to fry the phone.) It didn't start. But it appeared to be dry so I attempted to plug it in again. It wouldn't take the plug. So I figured that in my having plugged it in when still wet, I somehow caused the connection to swell - or something...who knows? I'm not very technical.

I waited a mournful week, lamenting how much this little act of efficiency was going to cost. And then I went to the Apple store. "Oh, just take it to the Genius Bar," John, the store manager said, "and they'll swap it out for you for $200." A lot better than the $600 I was expecting...but still a hefty bit for a phone that merely took a swim.

But, before I could even get to the Genius Bar, an itinerant Genius, named Ben, who was wandering the store helping forelorn customers like myself, said, "Let me have that for a second." He tried plugging it but was unable to. He turned the phone up to inspect the connection, and said, "Well, look at that. There's a piece of rice in there!"

Which he promptly removed. And the phone turned right on. Then when he tried putting the SIM card back in, guess what? Another piece of rice. Which he also kindly removed. And I was back among the hyper-connected.

My advice now to people whose iPhones have chosen to go swimming? USE VERY LARGE GRAINS OF RICE. Arborio, one Apple employee observing this drama, proposed.

And to friends whom I'd emailed immediately saying what had happened -- particularly to those who text frequently -- I'm back. Or my phone is back. And to my hubby, who was kind enough to let me use his phone in my hour, I mean, days, I mean week of need, thank you so very much.

Last point: I used the phone to which I'd forwarded my calls much much much less than my own phone. I texted only once or twice in genuine moments of "the person really needs to know this." I stopped carrying the phone around with me, even leaving it behind when I left the house on a number of occasions.

Hmmmmm...this indispensible device, indeed.

 

My name is Jessica

"And, not to worry all you Jessicas, but you are next, my dears." So warns an older Jennifer (Graham) in yesterday's Boston Globe ("The rise and fall of Jennifers").

Jennifer has had my experience. In a store, someone says Jessica, I turn around, and the person replying comes up to my knees or has chartreuse and aquamarine hair. Or used to. Now I'm running into those Jessicas on conference calls and scrambling up  corporate ladders. The name hit its US zenith in the '80s and '90s; it was #78 in 2009; tops was Isabella, my aunt's name. Jennifer doesn't even make the top 100 anymore.

I was 15 when I met my first other Jessica (Hawthorne, hi). Growing up, my parents made a point of telling me about great Jessicas (Tandy and Dragonette, e.g.) so I wouldn't feel so alone in a world of Cheryls and Lindas.

But mainly I've been called Jennifer, sometimes by people I know well.

So again, my name is Jessica.

Dining in with Lake and Finn

I warned you that this one was coming. Will keep it brief with this preface. Their mother, Daughter #1, went to culinary school. I think that explains the wide array of items in their diet. It may even be more foods than you eat in a week. All home-made, of course.

In case you can't read it (iPhone camera again): avocado, banana, sweet potato, pear, brown rice cereal, baby oatmeal, peas, carrotws, apples, yogurt, butternut squash, chicken, beets, green beans, broccoli, tofu, Arctic char (!), ricotta, lentils, and brown rice.

And the happy eaters

Hello Lipnack

I think this might be the first email I've received that begins like this:

Hello Lipnack,

Hello My name is Michael.  I am the new Regional Account Manager with [excellent company] servicing your area.  At one time, your organization was a customer of ours.  [Excellent co] has recently made changes to reflect the current business climate.

We would love to learn more about your business today, the future goals of your organization, and how we can help.

Please feel free to call me directly or reply to this email with the best time to reach to you to schedule a conversation.

Kind Regards,

Michael

If I do respond, do I say, "Hello, Michael - this is Lipnack?"

MS interview on The Exchange now up!

Take a listen to Ben Kieffer's interview with three of us authors whose essays appear in Voices of Multiple Sclerosis on The Exchange, a program on Iowa Public Radio.

NB: This is the first time I've ever spoken publicly about MS. Please let me know what you think. There's a lot to learn from this show, including Dr. Terry Wahls's scientific research that supports what seems evident to anyone with serious illness: eat right (lots of dark green veggies) and exercise. Her research and findings are, of course, more complex but if you're ill today and looking to get better, start at least with these two sine qua nons.

"Voices of MS" authors on The Exchange, Fri, 1PM EST--@IPRTALK

Photo of Ben Kieffer by Tom Jorgensen (thanks!)

 Please join me, along with two other authors who contributed to Voices of Multiple Sclerosis, on Iowa Public Radio's The Exchange with Ben Kieffer, tomorrow, Fri, Jan 8, 2010, at 1 PM ET (GMT-5) for an hour-long live show. Here's the copy from the IPR site:

Ben Kieffer talks with individuals who have offered their compelling stories in the new book, 'Voices of Multiple Sclerosis'. The book offers candid, heartfelt, and inspiring testimonials of 40 diverse individuals who have been affected by the crippling disease. Among the guests is Dr. Terry Wahls of Iowa City, who overcame secondary progressive MS through intensive nutrition and exercise coupled with electrical stimulation.

In addition to Terry, whose courageous story, "Telling the World," of revealing her MS to her medical colleagues while maintaining an active clinical and teaching practice, is worthy of its own book, and me (my original essay, "Feeling Numb," from which the one in this book was extracted), will be a third author, Caryl Hunter, whose story in the book, "Tough Year," still haunts me.

And, in case you missed it, here's my last post on the book, including links to blogs of other authors in the collection.

Voices of MS sells out!

Publisher Victor Starsia reports this morning that Voices of Multiple Sclerosis, where an excerpt of my essay, "Feeling Numb," appears, has sold out of its first printing in barely three weeks since its publication date. "This is the fastest this has happened for any of the books," Victor told the group of authors in an email just moments ago. Congrats to everyone involved!

We (the contributors) are cross-posting. Please see my original post to click to everyone else's.

Oh, heck. I'll just post them here as well.

Off-Topic: Non-profit MS anthology release -- Rachel Pollock

Exclusive Interview with Dr. Terry L Wahls, a Doctor with MS -- Diane J Standiford

No longer silent -- Caryl Hunter

"The story" -- Terry Wahls, MD

"New piece in Voices of Multiple Sclerosis" -- Marie Carter

Clicking on collaboration -- Bloomberg BusinessWeek TV

BusinessWeek TV, which, like its print publication, is now owned by Bloomberg, has posted "Collaboration with Confidence Across Companies" (you have to register to view it), the webcast that Jeff Stamps (online expert) and Bill Hills and I (live talent) participated in on Dec 3 and which I mentioned here. Cisco sponsors these shows; this one includes an intro from Cisco VP of Global Operations, Kevin Harrington.

These things are so much fun to do. Like "Boosting Productivity with Virtual Collaboration," which I participated in last February (and, which, like this one, was set in motion by producer Alex Cohen), took place at the NASDAQ studio in Times Square.

Let me walk you through the experience.

Studio wall that we look at from our "anchor desks"

Looking out of NASDAQ studio onto the street

Where we sit, with Times Square just outside

 

Bill Hills, the other panelist, and moi just before show begins

 

Jim Ellis, the host, with his teleprompter behind him

David Coffin, show's producer, in "green room" after show

Olivia Basu, Linda Kuehn, Marissa Ferrao from BusinessWeek staff

Took a long walk across town after the show; Christmas Tree just up at Rockefeller Center